Double Tap: Love Them From Afar?

Updated: Aug 18, 2020

Life is all about relationships and relationships are all about balance. We are constantly adding people and experiences to our lives intentionally or unintentionally.

There are people who drain your energy, but you work smarter to offset their impact therefore they make you better, let’s call them “shot blockers.”

There are people that bring you positive energy, let’s call them the “cheerleaders.”

There are people who work to match what you bring to the table, let’s call themteammates.”

There are people who are watching, paying attention but don’t add or take away, let’s call them the “spectators.”

The key to healthy relationships is to be able to read the signals that people are sending you and decide what you need from them and how much you are willing to give to them.

A friend of mine, to protect the innocent I’ll call her Claire was telling me a story about someone that she had known since childhood I’ll call her Stella. Claire and Stella had been close and supportive of one another through high school and into college, but college took them on different paths. They went to different colleges, ending up in environments that introduced them to parts of themselves that they didn’t know existed. They started meeting new people and traveling to new places, and like that…their reliability to one another took a back seat. They kept in touch via text and social media but recently after Claire celebrated a big win she told Stella about it looking for her friend to share in her excitement for a goal she had absolutely crushed. Instead she was met with apathy and indifference. Claire in her disappointment realized that they didn’t have a lot in common anymore. After thinking about it she realized they had different goals for life and the things that were once the source of their connection mattered less to Claire at this stage of her life. As she told me the story she called out another time when she reached out to Stella and left the conversation feeling like she wished should could get the time back. She mentioned that she started getting jealousy vibes (click here for my thoughts on jealousy). Claire still loved her friend but found it hard to share her aspirations and success because she could tell that on the other end of the conversation there was likely to be more indifference or maybe even shade. As Claire was telling me this story I paused and thought to myself, how hard it must be to stop loving someone, but rather than be disappointed in what they’re not you can make the choice to love them from afar.

There is a common misconception that once someone is in your life that they will forever beentitled to reserve their proximity to you. Each relationship that youparticipate in should represent a clearh